it's all about the accomodations...

My like is just one big accommodation lately. I have 3 kids and am finding that I have been accommodating each one of them in new and different ways. Now the reasons are all very good, but I am weary of accommodating.

As I type, I am sitting outside the youngest child's room in an attempt to re-train her out of some bad bedtime habits (i.e. - we screwed up trying to do the right things and now the therapist says we have to do things differently). This is after an hour-long homework routine with said child and the Autistic child and the homework plan we have for each of them. "Why are you working on homework so late?" you may ask. I'll be happy to tell you. This afternoon was spent getting an OT evaluation for youngest and a GI specialist appointment for eldest, so we didn't get home until dinner. Net result of said afternoon? Eldest apparently needs Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for recurrent stomach pain. Fancy talk for eldest needs therapy because she stresses out. Congrats kids - all 3 of you inherited anxiety from the family gene pool.

I try not to feel guilty for being the one to pass on the bad side of the gene pool, but it's to no avail. Their dad has no clue what anxiety is like - but he's super supportive, so that's good. However, not only do I understand, but because I am home in the afternoons, I get to live it out in bright, bold technicolor ways with the children all while squashing my own anxiety down in an attempt to keep my stuff together for just a few moments longer.

That's it. No bang! ending - I'm too tired from all my accommodating.

Looking back

Most people that I know re-evaluate their lives in December as we begin changing the calendar to a new year. I do that too, but the bigger evaluation comes for me in Summer. It's not on purpose - it's just when life brings it around.

I wrote in an earlier post about how our summers are never boring for lots of reasons. I've found myself this week trying to keep my body busy, but not really sure why. I've been pulling weeds in our driveway. In all fairness, it's a long gravel driveway, so there is lots of work to be done. It gives me time to think. My kids have no desire to be outside pulling weeds, so it gives me a chance to be alone. I listen to music, think, dwell, and pray. Today though, I finally realized why I've been so driven this week. Today is the anniversary of when we lost our baby last year. It's also the day before AK's b-day. It's a bittersweet time for me.

Summer is the break in our routine. As a teacher, it's my time off. It's a natural time to reflect and evaluate. Plan for the future while trying to learn the lessons of the past year. And what a year it has been. From losing the baby, to difficult situations at work, to difficult stuff in our private life, it has been a challenging year for my family.

A huge part of me wants to be sad and curl up in a ball. Life is too much sometimes and I feel like I just can't take anymore. But, what if I use this time to be my Happy Mid-Year? Not dwell too much on the hurt of the past. Celebrate where we are, enjoy my time off from work, and celebrate my youngest child turning 7!

Happy Birthday AK!

It's not summer until....

It's just not summer until something happens to our family unit. My memory has faded over time, but the past 3 summers in a row, but our summers are definitely not boring!

Two summers ago, a giant tree fell on our family van totaling it and sending my Autistic son into a spiral of full-on anxiety about storms that we are still trying to help him work through. After a month or so, the family settled on a nice little Toyota Prius. I got teased by my friends about turning liberal because we went with a hybrid, but honestly, we couldn't find a van in our budget that we liked and the idea of a $25 fill up was extremely appealing. The kids fit in the car and we bought it. The Prius has been good to us for almost 2 summers.

Last summer, we lost the baby. That post is here and I can't bear to walk through it again. Suffice it to say, last summer sucked.

So now we are at this summer. It started off like a normal summer until the day of the deer, otherwise known as "día de los ciervos". I was coming home from VBS with 2 of my kids and one of their friends. Out of nowhere, a brown and white blur appeared in my right-side vision then a loud thump. When it was all said and done, we were all just fine in our little, tiny Prius, the deer however, did not fare as well. We got home, I made the phone call to the friend's mom. "Yes, Mrs. S she is fine. Just wanted you to know in case it settles in later..."

Then calls to my husband....yes hubs, I have wrecked the car. Yes, we are fine, but the car is not...

Then calls to the insurance company....

Then we had to decide what to do about the family trip to Florida that was supposed to happen 4 days later. We couldn't take the rental because we only had it until the insurance company settled or repaired. The adjuster came and declared the car totaled. There was rejoicing in my house because, of course by now, the kids have outgrown the Prius.

We borrowed a van and headed to Florida. While there we had more phone calls. The insurance company may want to fix the car instead. They are towing it to the body shop, we'll be in touch. All through the trip we didn't know what would happen to our sweet little Prius. Hubs and I have decided that if they want to fix it, we'll let them, then we'll trade it in for a van. Right now, we don't know what'd going to happen, but since it's summer in our family, it's bound to be interesting!