Liar Liar pants on Fire John Edwards!

I'll confess, when he ran for Senate, I voted for him - but only because the other alternative was a horrible man named Lauch Faircloth. I had high hopes for John Edwards. To me he was one of the first ones to come up with the "change" philosophy of politics. Boy was I wrong.

I knew I couldn't trust him shortly after he started as our state Senator. Shortly after he entered office, he started trying to be President just like Obama. With very little experience and an eye turned away from his own state, I just couldn't support him.

He quickly became comical to me, especially when the video of him fussing over his hair more than a teenage girl would appeared.

Then there is this gem from him stating that he didn't like to attend State Fairs because: fat rednecks try to shove food down my face. I know I’m the people’s senator, but do I have to hang out with them?

Now, after the election has come and gone, we find out he had an affair and fathered a child. He spent so much time and effort to cover it all up, cheated on his cancer ridden wife, fathered a child, and still tried to become the leader of our country. Thank goodness enough people had the since to keep him out.

I feel really badly for this child. She has a mom who chased down a powerful man, got him to fall for her, and got pregnant. Her dad is no better, he spent the first 18 months or so of her life denying she was his. Now he wants to "come clean" and try to earn our respect again. Fat chance you big liar. Man up and raise that baby girl without benefit of the press. Try and pass on something good to her and don't use her for more press when your over-inflated ego needs boosting.

And to Elizabeth - I'm glad you are winning the cancer fight. No one deserves that. I don't know why you stood by him and no one probably ever will. It doesn't matter now. Go live your life, be there for your kids, and try not to see this man any more than you will have to. I read in the paper that you got the mansion - good for you. You earned it!

Just for the sake of silly

Ok - so one of my goals this year was to not be so serious. After reviewing my latest posts, I decided that it's time to be more silly. I give you (what I deem to be) an excellently funny picture:

Another one I find funny is this one. Apparently, this little squirrel just jumped in front of the camera as the shot was being taken on auto-timer.

At one point, there was an application called "The Squirrelizer" that allowed you to add the squirrel to any photo. It's since gone into hibernation, but here is a photo that I did of our family. Note how Anna Kate appears to be looking at it!

Got your attention? Good! This isn't about sex in the way you may be thinking - rather it's my free-flowing thoughts about why you shouldn't until you are married. Abbey turns 9 soon, and I have to have this talk with her eventually - so I'm starting to formulate my reasoning to her.

See - I always bought into the idea that you can't tell your kids to do things that you did. But - now that I'm a parent, I think there is great value in being honest about the mistakes I've made.

I hear some of you now - but sex is good, etc. Yes it is - but my experience proved it's better to wait. This isn't a soapbox piece per se (nieces do you hear me?), but rather a brutally honest look at the lasting repercussions of sex before marriage.

I met the guy I thought was the love of my life as a teenager. I had daddy issues (mine had died 4 years earlier), and was angry with my mom. There was a big hole in my soul waiting to be filled. Then HE came along. Oh my - when I saw him my heart stopped. When I realized he liked me I almost fell over. After we started dating, we eventually did the deed. Eventually, I got pregnant. His dad demanded I had an abortion to which I responded he could stuff it. It didn't matter, one week later (on Mother's Day) I had a miscarriage. This has followed me the rest of my life. Oh yeah - I also found out 5 years later (after being completely abstinent) that he gave my chlamydia thank you very much.

So why am I thinking about all of this now? Because he recently had another child. I know this because I am still friends with his mom and we are FB friends. While he already had a few kids, the baby was born a few weeks ago. I've seen pictures of him with his children holding his new son and beaming.

Still - 23 years later I feel the sting of our loss and I feel the pain of our breakup. I felt a lot like Bella in New Moon when Edward left her. In fact, I wept during the scenes of her waking up screaming from nightmares because I could relate to the pain she felt.

While we were in the midst of the end of our relationship, I became a Christian. This was a demarcation line in my life. When my life in Christ started, life with Darryl ended. In my mind, I know he's grown up, had his own struggles, and had his own kids. So did I. But somehow, in my heart, he remained that idealized boy that was my first love, who broke my heart, and left me with a loss that will always be there. I look at those photos and wonder if he even remembers. Harry and I have lost a child as well and we still think about it and talk about it from time to time, but I swear I think about her almost every day 5 years later.

This is why I am against sex before marriage. It violates a moral belief for me now, but not only that - there is no telling where the relationship will go or what scars you will carry for the rest of your life.

New Year's Resolutions?

New Year's Resolutions? Perfection? Who me? No way!. I am not perfect nor am I a resolution kind of girl. I used to make them and then get disheartened when I broke them, so I stopped.

But, like our pastor said in church today, it is natural to take stock and evaluate your life at the end of the year.

He said a lot today that got to me. He talked about what is it in our lives that stands in the way of our seeing God. What is it that stops us from being joyful in his glory?

Before I knew it tears were rolling down my face. Things have been rough here for the last month or so. It's easy to blame it on Harry and his "issues". We've been so tired - Harry and I just want to sleep to escape things I think. Anyway, it occurred to me during church that the things that keep me from God are my anger and issues with Autism. More importantly, it seems that I am still angry with God because Harry has Autism. This seems to be what makes me so mad all of the time.

I thought I had moved past that part of things, but apparently not. I want to yell about how unfair this is - I don't want a special needs child. I don't want a family divided - raising three different children in three different ways.

But, we all have trials in life. No one is immune. Am I at peace that I have a child with Autism - No. I don't know if I ever will be. Am I learning that it's not a curse? Yes - but it still seems unfair to the child and the family that is afflicted by it. But - I believe in a sovereign God that is in control, so there is some reason that this is our path in life. Note I didn't say mine - it is our family's path. This is but one of many challenges our family will face. But isn't that what families do? They grow together - they love each other - and they deal with what happens no matter what. At least they are supposed to. That's what I plan to tell my kids and teach them.

As for resolutions -I don't have any, but I do have goals.

• I believe that journaling is good for the soul. I intend to do that in the form of a blog this year that is updated more often than every 3 months.

• Try to let go of my anger at Autism and God. Stop taking that anger out on Harry who is afflicted and not able to control the way his brain thinks.

• Stop being so serious all of the time. My kids need to see me laugh more and just be happy.

• Find a way to see the Glory of God in things and not the pessimistic viewpoint I've grown so used to.

Let's see where this journey goes!