Typically, our summers are no big deal. We rarely vacation because of Harry's work schedule. I usually have the kids in lots of camps or Vacation Bible Schools as we tick the days off to going back to school. Summers are usually tough with an autistic kid. He craves a regular schedule and it's hard for me to provide that for him with two other siblings in the home. We go to the pool, parks, museums, run errands - everyday we have to do something. There's no lazing about for us. That's why I'm not such a big fun of summer. Well, one of many reasons.
I had high hopes for this year. Harry got a spot at Camp Royall again, we had some good day camps lined up, and next week, Harry gets to learn to surf with Surfer's Healing. Abbey went to her first overnight camp and had fun with her friends. Imagine how I felt when my summer began falling apart. So many things have happened that have come out of the blue for us - I feel like this is the worst summer I've had since the summer my dad was dying. Yes - it's been that bad. So what's happened you may ask. Let me see if I can recount it all.
1. Our Pastors left our church. Not a big deal you may say - you don't know us or our church if that's what you think. We had finally fit ourselves into a great groove with our church. Finally started making friends again, and we are actively serving in the Children's Ministry. In early July, it all came crashing down. Without benefit of gossip, our pastors decided to leave because of ongoing conflict with our elder board. Now we've lost people we are close to. Our church has no leader, we are struggling with our ability to trust the leaders that are left, I've taken on more work than I hoped to as a volunteer with our Children's Ministry, there are so many lies in the community about what's happened it makes me nauseous. Should I go on? We feel like we've lost family members. Church - my last bastion of peace is now a crumbled mess as those of us who are left struggle to figure out how to move on now. I don't know what's going to happen over the next few months. We have no pastor, and a volunteer team of people trying our best to salvage our children's program. Friends have left the church and more probably will.
2. A child I have known since she was 2 died in an apartment fire in Chapel Hill. She was Autistic and an only child. I can't imagine what this is like for her parents.
3. I've watched scandals and betrayals play out among friends and even national leaders. This seemed to be the summer of betrayal for lots of people I know. Close friends have been hurt by the actions of others who seem to either not care what they've done, or are so unaware that it scares me.
4. I've watched a close friend struggle with working with her Autistic son this summer. He learned bullying behavior at school and she's had to help him re-learn what is ok and what isn't. He still has his moments, but it seems to be getting better. The downside is that he returns to school in a week with the bully still in his classroom.
5. Several friends have lost their jobs this summer. I hurt for them and remain in a state of paranoia about what will happen to us if one of us loses our job. I know God is my provider, but it's scary to think about what would happen without our incomes.
6. I've been watching Harry regress for several weeks now. It's not been all at once, rather a gradual creeping in of things. He's not making as much eye contact with us, his stemming behavior has ramped up, he seems to always need to be moving around and going somewhere. He crumbles if I tell him we have a plan for the next day and it changes. His language is not as fluent. We're trying to combat this, but the only thing that will really help is returning to school. Did I mention he starts a new school this year and they won't begin until after Labor Day?
7. Yesterday, we lost our dog of 17 years, Lucy. She has been in constant pain for weeks, not eating, and refusing to go on walks. It was her time, but that doesn't make it any easier. The kids were sad and confused, but it lasted for about an hour. For me, the grief is just now hitting hard. Lucy was a sweet dog, independent to the end. She loved my husband more than me and it's just how it was. I picked her though when we went to the shelter that day and she and I coexisted together. Lately, she had begun making the Perry the Platypus noise when she wanted our food. It was very funny to see. I hated watching her lose her hearing and her ability to walk.
There have been some bright spots. Days of exploring museums with the kids, good friends just celebrated the birth of their baby after a traumatic pregnancy. Another friend has finally gotten pregnant after trying for months. New friendships have been forged and strengthened through the church tragedy. I know there are lessons that I am learning from this summer, but it's hard to put them into words right now. Perhaps next summer, I can finally write a blog about what this summer has netted for me in personal growth.
God is our redeemer and pastor. He alone knew all of this was coming and knows what is to come. I'm glad I put my trust in Him, because people will always fail us. Even those closest to us, because they simply can not fill that God-shaped hole in our heart.
Yes, I'll be glad when summer is over - but I am more than a little reluctant to think about what Fall is going to bring.
