This friend is a very close one. She has been my mommy "auttie" buddy for 4 years now. Her oldest son and my son Harry met for the first time at a TEACCH preschool program where we got together to learn the method and learn how to deal with our sons.
She reminded me very much of a dear friend that had moved away recently, so I glommed onto her as a lifeline. Eventually, we became very good friends. We don't always see the world the same way, but I think we are good for each other.
Today she went back to TEACCH with her youngest child. An adorable little boy who just makes you smile when you look at him. She has been concerned since he was born that there would be something "wrong". He did have reflux, he has an eating disorder (poor thing is so thin a strong wind would knock him down), and he has sensory issues. Today, they found out he also has Autism.
Friend - while I don't know your exact pain, I still feel it for you. I know you are grieving again the loss of what expectations you had for him. I know you are angry, heart-broken, fearful, and sick to your stomach. You probably feel like you just can't do this again right now. I hear you.
Give yourself time to grieve. As an "auttie" parent you know that it's an ongoing process, but post-diagnosis is a very rough time. Allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself. Go ahead and wallow. I'm telling you all of this not because you need my permission, but because I understand the process.
I also understand you. After a while, you will rise up like a phoenix. You will take charge of your precious boy. You will continue to pursue therapies. You will continue to be the best mommy you can to both boys because that's who you are. God gave those boys to you for a reason. We don't know why, but He does. Please take comfort and solace in that.
You are their advocate and no one will do a better job than you. In the meantime, I will be your advocate to both you and the Father. Through any help or support I can offer you, to prayers to heaven, I am here for you. We have a love/hate relationship with Autism. It steals pieces of our children, but it gives us back a dynamic we can never have expected. Until you reach that place of peace again, I'll be here for you. And so will God.
In the meantime, take comfort in this verse. It isn't just for you - it's for your boys as well. When I get distraught about Harry, I cling to it for us both:
"I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jer. 29:11
