testing and ant updates

Hi all - I am trying out this way of linking my blog to my profile which is the main reason I am writing a post.

As a follow-up to the ant situation here goes: the borax/sugar mixture actually worked well, but I went ahead and bought some bait traps that seem to have done the job. We have had a stray ant or two today, but so far none tonight. Thank goodness they are gone. Now, if we could just get the new fridge....

Did I mention Harry is shopping online for it? I'm fascinated by how it's going to get here. I keep picturing UPS or FedEx showing up with this gigantic box. When I asked him how they ship them, he looked at me with this blank look and said "that's what shipping companies are for". So much for my imaginings of UPS rolling up the driveway with my new appliance. Moving companies seem so much more boring and anti-climatic than going to the store and having it delivered, but if we can save some big money this way, then I'm all for it!

ants and fridge problems

Apparently, nothing good really happens while Harry is out of town. He's been gone for a few days and my house has gone to the ants! The problem started a few days ago, and now I am in a never-ending struggle to rid myself of these menaces. They are the little black ones, so thankfully, they don't bite. "What have you tried?" you may ask. Well here goes:

 

1. Vinegar water solution: didn't even kill them or slow them down
2. Smash technique - therapeutic, but not effective at getting to the nest
3. Tonight at 2:30am I got up for water. Found them swarming an EMPTY sink and counter (yes, I cleared everything off today).
4. I've just laid out some borax mixed with sugar. Supposedly, this is another "green" way to get rid of them. I'm not hopeful
5. Tomorrow - er..later today, I am going to the store to buy ant traps.

So you're probably thinking, just find the nest and poison that. No can do. They don't come from a particular spot and swarm my whole counter. I even removed the outlet cover and carefully, but with great revenge in my heart, sprayed ant spray while praying I wouldn't electrocute myself. My husband did it once so why can't I?

What these ants don't know is the level of stubbornness they are dealing with. There is a lot in my life I can't control, so somehow, I am just BEGGING for a project like this. Clear-cut and to the point - find and kill the ants. I'll let you know how the traps go.

In other news, our 15 year-old fridge is just about dead (again, right as Harry was leaving town). Last month we were looking at new ones and he decided to wait since ours was still perfectly good. I acquiesced, but expressed my concern. See our house is 15 years-old, so the spot to put the fridge can only accommodate a 35 inch model. All of the new, fancy ones with freezers on the bottom and fridge on top and water in the door are wider than that. My concern was that if we waited for the current fridge to die, we wouldn't have the luxury of shopping around. Turns out I may be right.

My neighbors, God bless them, came to my rescue again. They sell ice cream on the weekends and brought me a freezer that I can dial down to use for the fridge items (we had a small freezer that I moved frozen foods to a few days ago). Now, I'm afraid we'll be using that cooler for a week while my wonderfully thrifty husband shops around; or worse, looks for some "part" to attempt to repair the 15 year-old beast.

Stay tuned for more exciting adventures from our family *sarcasm intended!*.

Not bad all things considered

So yesterday was a bit of a let-down for us. We went to a pool party at a pool we don't normally attend. I was busy with the baby, but was checking in on Harry from time to time. Apparently, the "lifeguard" was a little too watchful of him. I say lifeguard loosely because she isn't really one - more like a rule monitor.

She stalked me down to complain about Harry not going down the slide properly and threatened to ban him. I told her he was Autistic and I would speak to him. She informed me she was a teacher but couldn't have children disobeying the rules. After a few other run-ins, I left with the baby and let my husband take over. She was mean and belligerent with him even calling him honey. He told her his name wasn't "honey", it was Mr. Bulbrook and a little respect on her part would go a long way towards solving the problem. She accused him of being "aggressive" and stalked off.

While I have shortened the narrative, I have detailed it all for her bosses in a letter that I have fired off. My question - although rhetorical at this point is - What is she a teacher of? She certainly didn't act like a teacher that understands Autism. Although, one time I did have one teacher refer to special needs kids as "those kids" when she went on a tirade to me one day (not knowing I was one of those kids moms and he was sitting right there)! Be careful what you say people! I also emailed her boss to let her know what a poor example she was setting for the school's reputation. I didn't tell her I was a special needs parent - that was on a need to know basis and she didn't need to know.

The point is people need to step back and chill out. I was just on a parent panel at TEACCH this week trying to explain what we go through. This was a perfect example. I was polite, but really just wanted to yell at her. That's ok - my letter will get my point across even if no one listens. It was so frustrating for me to watch her stalk my son waiting for any chance to call him out. I didn't interfere to much because he also needs to learn that people can be very serious about the rules. He also needs to develop more social awareness of what people are thinking around him.

On another note, we had a big milestone today. Harry has been saving his money for 6 weeks to buy a Buzz Lightyear toy. Every week we had to count the money and every time we went to Target, we had to visit the toy. Today he had enough money and proudly got to buy that toy. I'm so proud of him. Before he was saving for Buzz, he was saving his money for a wooden Amtrak train set he really wanted.

He is learning some real world skills and patience and I couldn't be more proud of him!

What's your passion?

Growing up I never had the benefit of pursuing multiple things until I discovered the one "thing" that I loved. My mom and dad put me in piano lessons and that was that. My best friend took dance - boy was I jealous. My siblings played in the high school band. Briefly, I was on the flag corp in my high school. My days were mostly spent consuming pop culture and taking care of my brother.

I have friends that love to run, exercise, scrapbook, take photos, paint, etc. I have never found my passion in life. Why has this become so important now? Maybe because I am almost 40. Maybe it's because I know that I can't continue to consume pop culture and every tasty snack I can lay my hands on and hope to live another 40 years. Maybe it's because I feel like a hypocrite.

I was having a talk with my dd Abbey a few weeks ago. She has had the chance to try numerous things, but still hasn't landed on the "thing" she loves. She's great at lots of things, but gets bored. My husband says we need to make her stick it out for a while, but I have. She's done numerous basketball and soccer seasons. Danced for a year and did gymnastics for a year. She also took art classes after school for a year (which she'll go back to until April has her baby).

I was trying to explain to her why she needs a passion. It's something you can pursue any time. You can actually write something when asked what your hobby is. It's an outlet when you get too stressed. I think some of the reason I struggle with my weight is because I don't have a passion. I end up bored and eating instead of doing other things that make me happy.

Some people assume that because I work with kids and have 3 of my own, that children are my passion. Nope. I love my job and my kids, but goodness knows I need a break from both. Others assume my passion is all things Autism because we know it intimately. Nope again. I need a break from that too. I am passionate about both things, but they aren't my hobby.

So what things interest me? I like to take pictures. I do like to write (this blog is an example). I have a book idea, but no clue how to get started. I've always wanted to take a cake decorating class, but have never been able to carve out the time (probably a good thing with my weight where it is now!). Lately, I've been thinking about taking up the piano again.

I'm not sure what my "passion" or "hobby" will be, but I intend to find out! What's yours?

I know I haven't made peace yet

I know I write a lot about Autism in this blog, but it's one of my few outlets to express my feelings about our struggle with Autism and how it effects our family.

I had the pleasant opportunity to meet Susan Senator recently. She wrote the fantastic book, "Making Peace with Autism". She was exactly what I expected - warm, funny, and sane. Somehow, over the years, she has found a way to make peace with the big "A". I found myself itching to ask her THE question: If you could take away Nat's Autism now, would you? This is a question I think about a lot. My answer is yes.

Lots of parents answer no, that the Autism is what makes their child who they are. To take it away, is in essence, to take them away. I don't feel like that. I think it would help me get to know my son for who he is - I wouldn't have to deal with the roadblocks that Autism throws my way. He wouldn't have language and comprehension issues. We could really talk to each other.

I like to think that I have accepted Harry's autism with the grace that it requires to be able to do such things, but every once in a while, something happens that shows me that I haven't really. The latest thing was an invitation. Harry has been invited to a few "typical kid" birthday parties. It's been fantastic to see the way some of the kids at school have accepted him. This week, he got 2 such invitations. The first was from a child I know really likes him. The second caught me off guard. I was giddy from the knowledge that other "typicals" wanted him at their party.

Now don't misunderstand me on this. Harry has some "auttie" buddies that he hangs out with a lot and has attended numerous auttie parties. These are like an oasis in the desert. I love these kids and their moms - it's not hard and they don't bat an eye when one of our kids is acting out. It is just what it is. My life has been enriched so much by these relationships, but sometimes that specter of acceptance pops up and I have to wrestle through it again and again.

all stressed out and nowhere to go!

So I'm a little stressed out right now. I love my kids - really and truly. Right now we are on summer break and ending our 2nd week of no camps for Harry. For those of you who don't realize what it's like to have a kid with Autism, you can't begin to understand what that statement means. I wish I could be one of those parents that loves the summer break because I get to spend my time with my kids doing wonderful and fun things. The fact is, that's not me. I do love doing things with my kids, but with Harry it's an all-out struggle to keep him stable over the summer.

All of this means that his behavior is deteriorating. He is falling apart. Tantrums, crying jags, scripting, finger flicking, and odd moments of mania have begun. What's the answer? A nice consistent routine of course. So you may ask, "Amy, since you know how bad it can be, why don't you provide your son a nice, consistent routine?". Well my friend, I also have a 2 year-old to consider. She doesn't exactly work on a routine that allows me to keep my 6 year-old busy 8 hours a day without some of her own demands. This is why there is a problem.

With Harry, even if we go somewhere every day (which we do), it isn't enough. He needs to have the same things happening at roughly the same times every day to be truly happy and in his element. With the laid-back pace of summer, that just doesn't happen.

Some may say, "why not put him in camps all summer?" Easier said than done. Not every camp out there provides structure every minute of every day and we can't afford all of those that do. So we make do. Next week he's going to a day camp in Carrboro. I'm hoping for the best but am not at all sure what will happen when he's there.

I heard Dr. Phil say to one family that you reach a point where you say you can't live like this anymore. The problem is, I don't know what to do to change things. With two other kids in the mix, I can't customize a day just for Harry. I do the best I can but feel like I'm losing the battle because I am so exhausted by the demands.

Any ideas?

What was that?

I'm not sure what I saw today, but I feel like I've been run over by a mack truck.

Our Preschool Director was fired this week. From what I've been able to determine, it wasn't because of her job performance, but rather for "personnel issues". We as a staff went to the church to give her support as she said good-bye.

The pastor refused to let her speak, so her husband stood to address the crowd. Then it turned ugly. I won't go into the specifics, but what I saw was not a good witness to the people there today.

I love our director and have been proud to work for her. She is good at her job and I will miss her so much.

The display today worries me more than anything else. What does it say to new believers, or people on the fence. How did today's actions hurt the kingdom? The pastor defended his position, but at what cost?

I am so sad for what happened; however, God is still in heaven and still in control. His plans are what will be the final outcome. Now I will be praying for the people who were there today.  I also want to pray for myself that I will not have a hardened heart, but know I am where I am for a reason.  The families and the children are still what really matters. Showing them God's love and acceptance - not bitterness or scorn or unforgivness. Now more than ever, I'm on mission there.