I know I write a lot about Autism in this blog, but it's one of my few outlets to express my feelings about our struggle with Autism and how it effects our family.
I had the pleasant opportunity to meet Susan Senator recently. She wrote the fantastic book, "Making Peace with Autism". She was exactly what I expected - warm, funny, and sane. Somehow, over the years, she has found a way to make peace with the big "A". I found myself itching to ask her THE question: If you could take away Nat's Autism now, would you? This is a question I think about a lot. My answer is yes.
Lots of parents answer no, that the Autism is what makes their child who they are. To take it away, is in essence, to take them away. I don't feel like that. I think it would help me get to know my son for who he is - I wouldn't have to deal with the roadblocks that Autism throws my way. He wouldn't have language and comprehension issues. We could really talk to each other.
I like to think that I have accepted Harry's autism with the grace that it requires to be able to do such things, but every once in a while, something happens that shows me that I haven't really. The latest thing was an invitation. Harry has been invited to a few "typical kid" birthday parties. It's been fantastic to see the way some of the kids at school have accepted him. This week, he got 2 such invitations. The first was from a child I know really likes him. The second caught me off guard. I was giddy from the knowledge that other "typicals" wanted him at their party.
Now don't misunderstand me on this. Harry has some "auttie" buddies that he hangs out with a lot and has attended numerous auttie parties. These are like an oasis in the desert. I love these kids and their moms - it's not hard and they don't bat an eye when one of our kids is acting out. It is just what it is. My life has been enriched so much by these relationships, but sometimes that specter of acceptance pops up and I have to wrestle through it again and again.
2 comments:
Amy --
I don't know. I just don't know. He is who he is. I could say that I'd like the symptoms to abate somewhat; I wish talking wasn't so hard for him. I wish he didn't need to stim to be comfortable. But I also just love what he does, how he says things or doesn't, how he stims... But I don't know. It would be a whole new person, and I don't know if I can wish for that. XO
I just now read this. Ah, the $100k question: would you take away your child's autism if you could? Some days for even me it's yes. It's weird, because having an autistic child has enriched my life and forced me to grow as a person in ways I never would have imagined before he came along. I guess for me, it's easier to never even go there, to wonder about what could have been. Too painful, too exhausting, and distracts too much from the here and now, which is much more important.
Deep thoughts by Kristina. ;)
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