Lists, lists, lists

I'll admit it. I'm a list freak. Anytime there's a list, I feel I must read it (as long as it's fairly short or I am feeling especially attentive). This also goes for all of those 40 best, top 20 shows, etc that you can find on TV. I've sat through sports lists (hubby was watching them). I think it has something to do with the idea of getting information in a short burst. While I wasn't born in the "information age", I have adapted quite nicely thank you very much. So, in honor of my list obsession, here is a list of sites on the internet that I frequent with some regularity (in no particular order). Please feel free to share your favorites - I am compelled to read them anyway!

1. Swagbucks I love this site because you can search it using a google based search, and it will randomly award you swagbucks. You can then cash these items in for gift cards and other stuff. Me - I get the amazon gift cards. If you want to try it, email me, and I'll send you a referral link
2. Chatham County Online BBS I get to see people in my county have massive head explosions from time to time and I get to learn what's going on around me.
3. Facebook need I say more?
4. I can has cheeseburger poor spelling, warped sense of humor and cats and dogs in hilarious situations. Always good for a laugh!
5. Woot this one offers deals of the day and they are usually a bit off the wall
6. Amazon.com I reference this almost everyday. They have EVERYTHING!
7. Cake wrecks cakes gone horribly wrong with witty commentary
8. BabyTalk magazine cover contest because I caved and entered Anna Kate. They have photo galleries that they update from time to time and I am obsessively watching for her picture.
9. Fox News - a girl has to stay informed
10. Pinching your pennies discusses online deals and brick and mortar deals

There you have it. A list of some of my favorite websites. Comments anyone?

This is why I'm a mom

Today is one of those days that I understand why I am a mother. It's these moments of joy and love that buoy you through the tough stuff and make it all worthwhile.

So what happened you ask? I was going over a packet of information about Baptism with Abbey (yes, she wants to do it). While we were discussing the why's, I told her my story, then asked her what hers would be. When she was 4 she prayed with me to accept Jesus into her heart, but as she gets older the memory fades. We talked about her doing it again as a symbol of re-commitment and she did. I got to be the one to pray with her for her eternal life. Me. It's staggering to me. Now, she will meet with our pastor and hopefully, be able to articulate herself to him (that was her hold up last year). If so, she'll be baptized in Jordan Lake next weekend.

Thank you Lord for the opportunity to raise this child.

Bella should be with Jacob

Ok - I'm only half-way through "Eclipse", but I've already decided that Bella should be with Jacob. Cover your ears to the screaming of thousands of teenage girls everywhere. I understand that I haven't finished the series and this may happen eventually, but in the event it doesn't, here's why I think that:

1. He's human and Edward isn't. Something about a cold body all the time really freaks me out.

2. She'd have to "die" to be with Edward. Not something high on my wish list for a boyfriend or life-long mate.

3. Jacob can protect her.

4. I think she's Jacob's soul-mate.

5. She's more alive with Jacob than with Edward. She is herself and has a personality. With Edward it's like she's moving in slow motion and always worried about him.

6. Too many people want to kill her because she's with Edward.

For now that's it. Like I said earlier, I reserve the right to recant or boast that I was right. I'm just half-way through the book and don't know yet how things end (please don't tell me either!)

Easter is here!

Easter Is Here! I love Christmas - the lights, the sounds, the smells. All of it. I love the idea that a baby can change the world. Even at my worst times, Christmas has been a good time for me.

But Easter is different. More reverent and holy. New life in the Spirit world and the physical world. Beauty even in death.

Even though Jesus knew what was to come, He still came for us. He suffered for us. Lived as one of us. At the moment He could have said "Enough!", He still died on that cross. Even when He could have brought down Heaven on everyone and showed them all just who He was, He stayed humble.

I always imagine the look on Satan's face when he thought he had won - then Jesus shows up. I wonder if it was a battle of words. Physical even? Or did Satan realize and give up without a fight? Doubtful. Either way, it doesn't matter because Jesus defeated Him. One question I want to ask Him one day is just how it all happened. Can you imagine the faces of the angels and saints who had gone before when they got to see what was happening?

Too many times Christianity is portrayed as a religion for the weak. I think it's for the strong. For we daily have to endure ridicule for our beliefs, legislation that tries to take away our rights, and people that are hostile because of what others have done. Jesus endured, so we can too.

Hallelujah! He is risen!

Autism Awareness Month

April is officially "Autism Awareness Month". By now, you've heard the statistics. 1 in 150 children will be diagnosed with Autism. There are lots of theories as to why it happens (I have friends who will argue most every one of them to you). Personally, I think it's an overall genetic disorder, but that there are outside things that can trigger it. I don't believe you can be "healed" or "recovered" from it. The brain is what it is. There is no shame in that.

However, I will say that some days - ok most really, I HATE autism. Not because of the people - although there are a huge range of them out there. From fully functional to almost catatonic. Gentle souls to ones who turn violent for no reason. I hate autism because it took away my dreams of what my son's life would be like.

Yes - something horrible can happen at any time and any place to any family. Autism happens all of the time. I'm going to make some people angry with my statements, but this is my blog and my space, so if you are angry - deal with it. Start you own blog, but let me have my space to talk about my feelings.

When we found out we were having a boy, we were so excited. We had all of the dreams most parents would for their child. Of course, Autism was not in those dreams. In the early months after Harry was born, I knew something was wrong. I just wasn't sure what. Then came the day that CDSA came to my home and did the evaluation. When my husband said "they think it's autism", I crumbled. Not my son. Please.

See, I was raised with a special needs brother. He has down's, is severely retarded, and has been diagnosed in the last several years with Autism. He needs constant care, is completely non-verbal, and has multiple health problems. My older brother and I provided most of his care for too many reasons to list in this posting. He currently lives with my older brother and I am his guardian in the event he outlives him.

All I could think was that I've done my time with a special needs kid. It's not fair. No - it's not. I've often said don't ask "why me", when we should ask "why not me". There are no special passes in this life (although it seems like it for some people).

Still, Autism has robbed our family of something. Normalcy. It's all I craved for when I started my own family given my history. Now we know way too much about speech/OT/PT problems. We know way too much about how to get services, and what CAP is. I know that insurance doesn't pay to help treat my child for a disorder that is medically diagnosed.

Autism keeps my son from being able to explain his thoughts to me - his language is severely delayed so he's still learning how.

Autism took away my dreams of what I assumed his life would be like. Now we have to forge new goals and hopes. We are stuck - for better or worse - working with an imperfect school system to try to meet his needs. Thank God he's as functional as he is. We do believe that one day, he'll "pass" for "normal". But his brain will always be wired in an Autism way. He'll always have connections made (or not made) that others take for granted.

I've been asked if there was a pill I could give him to cure him, would I. The answer is a resounding yes. Now many in the Autism community find this answer offensive. It means that I can't accept him for who he is they would say. Just like hearing parents want to have hearing children, so do neurotypical parents want to have neurotypical children. There is nothing wrong with that.

But, can I love him for who he is now? Absolutely and I do. Each breakthrough is a joy, each setback a heartbreak. I'm filled with melancoly trying to watch him navigate an increasingly social world. I want him to succeed. I want him to have friends, find love, get married and have his own family one day.

So I do hate Autism, but I am growing to accept it. There were many brilliant people in the past that made a tremendous impact on our society at large that had Autism. Just as most things in life have an up and down side, so does Autism.

To learn more about Autism and early diagnosis, please visit the Autism Society of America at:
http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer

A Eulogy for a fish

OK - how do I write a eulogy for a fish? What can one say about a fish? She (maybe) was quiet. S/he didn't eat too much, but did have an annoying habit of spitting at the water just right so it would spill out of the tank if s/he was hungry. Dorothy never got sick and always stayed in her tank (unlike other fish we've had). She made the kids happy when she swam. She leaves behind 2 other friends - Pizza and Plokie.

Kidding aside, I feel bad for Abbey. She actually teared up over the fish. I was just wondering how we'd get her out of the tank considering her impressive size (almost 7 inches). But in the true spirit of a child raised in the country, she said a small prayer for Dorothy and put her in the woods to continue the cycle of life in the form of food for some other animal (probably our dog Lucy who was eyeing her with a hungry look in her eyes).

At least Abbey understands that life begins and ends and is OK with that. She's not lost a person she's especially close to yet, but she did come with me to my mom's funeral when she died a little over a year ago. While we were crying and saying our goodbyes, my sweet daughter was busy drawing a picture of Grandma with Jesus smiling at us. That says it all to me. She loves her pets, but understands they are just animals and the more important issue isn't where to bury the pet, but rather where we end up after life on earth ends for us. Do you know where you will end up? or do you prefer to think it just ends like it did for our fish?

FB - Innane or Helpful?

Ok - there's been a lot of Facebook backlash lately. Mainly because people of my generation (man I sound old) have "discovered" it thereby ruining the cool factor. Heck, I even have an article blasting it on my page. Yeah - the status updates can be tedious, but every once in a while, it proves it's worth. Like today.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far away, I didn't have kids, but was married and in college. Once of my absolute best friends worked where I did. We hung out a lot, and she understood me and my quirks. Heck - she enabled them! When I was with her, I was witty, quick, and funny. But somehow, over time, my life went another direction and we lost touch. Thanks to the glory that is Facebook, she found me and once again, I have a little more spark.

When I saw her friend request, I was as happy as the girl who wanted to be asked to the prom by the cool guy (and it not be a prank of some kind). I quickly said yes and now things feel right again. Will I see her soon? I don't know - I hope so. But for just a little while again, I feel witty and funny. Will she think I still am? Who knows, but judging by her postings, she still is and that's good enough for me!