Looking back

Most people that I know re-evaluate their lives in December as we begin changing the calendar to a new year. I do that too, but the bigger evaluation comes for me in Summer. It's not on purpose - it's just when life brings it around.

I wrote in an earlier post about how our summers are never boring for lots of reasons. I've found myself this week trying to keep my body busy, but not really sure why. I've been pulling weeds in our driveway. In all fairness, it's a long gravel driveway, so there is lots of work to be done. It gives me time to think. My kids have no desire to be outside pulling weeds, so it gives me a chance to be alone. I listen to music, think, dwell, and pray. Today though, I finally realized why I've been so driven this week. Today is the anniversary of when we lost our baby last year. It's also the day before AK's b-day. It's a bittersweet time for me.

Summer is the break in our routine. As a teacher, it's my time off. It's a natural time to reflect and evaluate. Plan for the future while trying to learn the lessons of the past year. And what a year it has been. From losing the baby, to difficult situations at work, to difficult stuff in our private life, it has been a challenging year for my family.

A huge part of me wants to be sad and curl up in a ball. Life is too much sometimes and I feel like I just can't take anymore. But, what if I use this time to be my Happy Mid-Year? Not dwell too much on the hurt of the past. Celebrate where we are, enjoy my time off from work, and celebrate my youngest child turning 7!

Happy Birthday AK!